WASHINGTON, DC – Speaker of the House Paul Ryan was joined by Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi in celebrating the passage of bipartisan bill (HB13638) in the House of Representatives to finally offer the African American community symbolic restitution for decades of awfully executed cultural appropriation by calling for the public hanging of the Canadian turned American pop tart. The bill, introduced in 2015, was put on the fast track after Justin Bieber’s recent rash of odd behavior culminated by dreadlock hair extensions and a fresh facial tattoo of a cross.
All 425 members of the House of Representatives voted ‘yay’ during a late Monday session moving the bill to the senate where it’s expected to pass for President Obama’s final signature who hailed the bill as their only successful law this session and congratulated congress on a “meaningful and lasting step in the right direction.”
Additionally, all Justin Bieber albums will be banned from public places and effigies of his previous works of defecation will be financed by new War Bonds.
UPDATE 5/10/16: HB13638, restitution for cultural appropriation, has stalled in the senate upon recent revelations from the Associated Press (AP) report that Justin Bieber is actually Miley Cyrus in drag. To the dismay of pop fans throughout the world, both identities were fictional characters invented by the recording industry and played by 5 different actors, two of which are still living. HB13638 is currently being modified in the Senate to bring the remaining two perpetrators to justice.