ISIS defectors lured away with exploding fem-bots

Technology will bring a promising new weapon to Coalition Forces against ISIS in the form of new, sleek fem-bots by Lockheed Martin, announced Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter.

Western forces have been vexed on effective counter-recruitment techniques while the Islamic State has offered the promise of women to recruit impressionable men from the West.

The idea is that robots with “world class replicated human ankles” will lure young men away from terrorist camps. Engineer Harry Tubbs explains:

“In the beginning of these operations made every effort to make these bots look visually stunning using a synthetic skin made from a silicate base. However, thanks to a mishap with one particular fem-bot the fake skin melted off and we found these men found them even more irresistible. Thanks to that cost savings measure we take the fem-bots directly from the assembly line and dress them in full burka. A successful mission for a fem-bot can usually net around a dozen men at a time.”

Mohamad Jamal Khweis
Mohamad Jamal Khweis, Fairfax Virginia’s pride and Prom King of 2008

Defectors such as young Mohamad Jamal Khweis, after a 10 month pilgrimage with the Islamic State met his new bride Deenah, who charmed him with the sexist ankle bones since Mia Khalifa to an explosive party which was sure to blow his top off.

Not all paint a rosy picture of these fem-bots however, Moms Against Fem-bots (MAF, a militant jihadist branch of MADD) took to Twitter to condemn the military industrial complex and accused coalition forces of feeding the hatred against the West and other nebulous criticism.