Researchers unveil new cure for ‘Conservatism’

IRVINE, CALIFORNIA – New research from the University of California (UCLA) shows glimpses of hope for the millions of crotchety and stuck in their way angry white men.  Conservatives, once thought to be unmalleable and uneducable  may one day be capable of being reintroduced into society leaving behind their prideful prehistoric American and Anglo-Saxon cultures.

Brit Bernstein, Professor of Neurology, explains the groundbreaking science behind turning off “caveman receptors” in the brain:

“It’s a fairly simple process.  Once we introduce this specially engineered virus to target the ‘caveman receptor’, it destroys those neurons in the brain making the man more thoughtful and considerate.

We understand that some may misunderstand this process as brainwashing but those people are ignoring the endless possibilities for this treatment.  For instance our research indicates that subjects not only abandoned conservative antiquity but they also stopped caring about history or any philosophies before the 1960s.”

The World Health Organization (WHO) has also endorsed research to cure the widespread problem of nationalists not just in America but in Europe.  Currently the only side effects of the new drug is paranoia, narcissism and gluten intolerance.