Kardashians Inhabit California Island, Plan to Secede from Union

CALIFORNIA – Santa came late for the Kardashians as the entire Kardashian clan has taken residence on the remote Californian Island of Narcopia, once a toxic dump, was rehabilitated by that Army Corp of Engineers will return to being a toxic dump.  They will be joined by a team of surgeons, working around the clock to keep their skin tones like “smooth caramel” and their body organs “functional.”  Entertainment network E! has also announced plans to join the Kingdom of Kardashia to provide the world with a window to their magical kingdom.

The following press release was announced by Kim Kardashian’s translator on the family’s first weekly address:

“It’s going to be so awesome everybody!  You probably already know we have begun to move our entire bloodline to this island, well we’re pleased to announce to you today that we are in fact divorcing from America, our new country shall be known as the Kingdom of Kardashia.  We are being joined by our entire family including our hair & makeup artists, physicians, surgeons, chefs, personal trainers and yes… yes… entertainment news reporters; Everything needed to sustain life!

Leaving our country was a hard decision but according to our accountant we are responsible for like 25% of money made in California, which is crazy right?  We talked with our legal team and they advised that we purchase this island and divorce America.  This island will provide us a safe space, one where Kylie can live without internet bullies and where my dad Bruce is free to be Caitlyn, my mom.

We want all of America and the world to know that there will be no missing us!  Thanks to our partnership with E! you can watch us go about our daily life 24/7 on our own dedicated channel ‘Killing It With the Kardashians’!  Imagine starting your morning by watching my dad receive a sex change procedure.  Enjoy your lunch while watching Kylie vomit hers.  Finally, wind your night down by watching the men find new creative ways to kill themselves.”

Killing it with the Kardashians can be found on the E! Network starting January 6th.