Ted Cruz Loses Ventriloquist On Christmas Day

HOUSTON, TX — Going on the 2nd day of Christmas and still no news on the location of Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz’s missing ventriloquist Mister Geppetto.

Christmas day was a less than festive day in the Cruz household police stated in a press conference that they are investigating whether Mister Geppetto’s disappearance will be treated as a kidnapping or a runaway, Harris County sheriff Ron Hickman continued: “the family is asking for respect of their privacy at this time”

Geppetto last seen on Christmas Eve
Geppetto last seen on Christmas Eve

Ted Cruz has been with Mr. Geppetto since before he was a little boy, since he was a little piece of wood.  What’s likely to be devastating news to the Cruz campaign as Geppetto has been a key player on the campaign trail.

Jon Stephens, President of the Ventriloquist Academy believes it may be too late in the campaign to find a ventriloquist who can get the timing down in sync with Ted Cruz.  “It usually takes years for a dummy and his ventriloquist to bond and achieve the natural timing of a human being.  I’m afraid there’s just not enough time, it’s a very sad time as many in this stagecraft were excited about what would have been a historic event: having the first president who was truly a dummy.”

Crime Stoppers is offering a $10,000 reward for tips that help locate Mr. Geppetto, if you have any information on the case you are asked to call: (713) 521-4600.