HOUSTON, TX — Going on the 2nd day of Christmas and still no news on the location of Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz’s missing ventriloquist Mister Geppetto.
Christmas day was a less than festive day in the Cruz household police stated in a press conference that they are investigating whether Mister Geppetto’s disappearance will be treated as a kidnapping or a runaway, Harris County sheriff Ron Hickman continued: “the family is asking for respect of their privacy at this time”
Ted Cruz has been with Mr. Geppetto since before he was a little boy, since he was a little piece of wood. What’s likely to be devastating news to the Cruz campaign as Geppetto has been a key player on the campaign trail.
Jon Stephens, President of the Ventriloquist Academy believes it may be too late in the campaign to find a ventriloquist who can get the timing down in sync with Ted Cruz. “It usually takes years for a dummy and his ventriloquist to bond and achieve the natural timing of a human being. I’m afraid there’s just not enough time, it’s a very sad time as many in this stagecraft were excited about what would have been a historic event: having the first president who was truly a dummy.”
Crime Stoppers is offering a $10,000 reward for tips that help locate Mr. Geppetto, if you have any information on the case you are asked to call: (713) 521-4600.