President Obama today announced a landmark exchange to empower Homeland Security by bolstering the Defense Department’s social media capabilities.
The controversial trade involves transferring sergeant Bowe Bergdahl as a prisoner to the Islamic State (ISIS) in exchange for three of their “social media wiz kids.”
“This move will help our nations security by arming us with some of the worlds leaders on social media and propoganda,” President Obama declared in a Rose Garden ceremony at the White House.
Obama gushed, “It’s rare when diplomacy like this provides a true win-win for both parties. I am told that our enemies [ISIS] have plans for sergeant Bergdahl as an outlet for their hate of the West. Once we overcame the human rights issues of ISIS torturing an American citizen it became a real no-brainer. For instance, his family is supporting this move after realizing him to be a failure as both an American and a son to his family. It’s our hope that they [ISIS] focus their energy on him and away from the West and away from our allies in the Middle East.”
The trade is expected to save the military the expense and turmoil of prosecuting Bowe Bergdahl for war crimes.
The address ended with the president joking that he has it on good authority that ISIS have fun plans in store for Bowe!